as silent as the grave

17 November

My 2nd brother, Am came to our house to visit my mom. When he came, my mom isn't home. So, I talked to him awhile and shared a little bit of my experience during the year. When my mom came back home, as usual they will start raising their voice and discussed about something. The moment Am stepped in the car, I never thought that it was the last time I saw him walking.

18 November

Everyday was the same routine, it was like an alarm clock in myself that set it own time without me controlling it. I woke up at 11 a.m. and immediately went down stair. The only thing that made the day different, it was silent. Too silent. There were no human being in the house except me and my 4th brother Iyut. I sat there on the couch while he calmly said "They went to the hospital since this morning" I thought who is he talking about. "There have been an accident". It was Am. He was crushed by a big, long, heavy iron rods at work. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I was speechless. 

19 November

Again, woke up at 11 a.m.. I knew why it was silent on this day. My mom went to Kuching while my brother still in the hospital. In the afternoon, my uncle came to drop in the kids. 4 child and me. Well, that was something that I can't reject. This is the ending of my holiday plan and the beginning of my misery. 

14 December

Finally my brother came back with his fiance, the one who took care of him a month in the hospital. I cleaned up the house so he could rest comfortably. When I arrived, again - I was speechless. I did't know what to do. I did't know what to say. I watched him suffered in pain. Unable to walk. The smile no longer shine. Last night, I couldn't sleep well seeing him pain. He called me over and over again since I sleep next to him. He cried in pain every time his legs hurt. I still remember how determine he was trying to go up stair. The way his eye looked at the stair and his heart desperately desire the coolness of the air conditioner in his room. The pain in his face when he dragged himself to the ground all the way to the second floor. It was hard. Even by watching him.

I asked to you my dear God, help him. Save him, heal him. Give me back my brother.