Rainbow #4

My last post was approximately a year and a month off.

So, I wanted to dedicate my first aback post for my best-friend (though I've done this before).

First of all - I'm sorry. I really am..

You know, while I was sitting in front of my laptop doing this 'thing', I paused a lot while typing. Well you know how I really was. Because you see, this post will give me two options in the future that might make me think over-and-over again either I should told you about it or just let it become a stench of memory in my blog (since I protect this blog like as if it was my journal). As much as how things were going on, you probably already noticed it or you tried hard to ignore it but let me spell it out here for you ** WE ARE HAVING OUR SECOND FIGHT.

Let me rephrase it again - we're not communicating in the normal way we usually did.

Before you suddenly reconsidering my first statement as a declaration of war, I'm sorry.

That night was the third time I abandoned you. You might probably remember the second and forgot the first. I don't know why I did it. I really do. The second, make me cry over you and waited you like a fool I deserved for two hours and the first separate us for half a year while this time its different. Why? Because..

..I already lost you twice. How could I possibly lose you again?

If I was a boy, people would look at me and say "Is she confessing?" but they don't understand. You are my best friend. You are the best I ever had. It's like when I storm out to you that night, all I ever think of is the consequences. True, I was mad. I was mad in a way that I almost lose control of the motorbike. I was mad I almost crash during turning at the corner. But you still sit there, without any word of complaint.

But the craziness sunk the immediate moment you placed your head at my back. You rely on me to hide, though you know I was at my great limit. Yes, it is true. While I look at you talking to him that night, I knew I was being cursed. I am telling you. To be honest, I was about to burst out of tear that very moment. I wanted to cry so hard that I almost give out my ugliness out. When I look at you, with your smile and yet my ears is listening to something else, I really trying to hold back from leaving you alone there. Because I was mad, crazy. But above all of this, why I stayed? It is when you said..

"sebab ya la aku sayang kau nadhi"

Spoiler, you ruined everything. Even if you can't see it but I did. When the cold wind breeze blew off your black shiny hair and lift your long flowery skirt above your ankle - I saw it. The stupidity I held on. Then I finally regret the moment when I was looking at those grey cardigan at home when I thought to myself  "nahh, she's not going to need it" when it is obvious that you are in cold just by touching your cheeks. When it finally rained that night how I hope that we could settle it and have a good talk the next day. Strike '12 - it suddenly beyond my expectation that you would totally ignoring my existence for a week.

You see, since that night, I keep on recording the song that I sang for you the day before our quarrel. I've lost counts of number I record it so that I could  create a perfect melody when you hear of it, so that my apologies would reach you. Almost like any other best buddies, sweet things done by best friend meant different. Don't be confused of my intention because we are friend, right?

I'm sorry for such a long post but as you can see, the images of you coming to me yesterday with your white appearances and bright smile while pouting -- "She didn't hear me" when I clearly already lost in word, that totally make me smile. Because you suddenly gave me life. Last but not least,

"I'm sorry, I miss you too much."